Of Love and Loss: Valentine's Day Special
by gregorybryce9
Summary: [One-Shot] Tomoya Okazaki found himself in the depths of despair on Valentine's Day five years after the death of his wife Nagisa. Drowning in his sorrows, he finds a letter addressed to him by his late wife back when they were in their happier times. He resolves to read it, allowing his memories to take him back to better days. Contest entry on Wattpad


**[ONE SHOT]**

 **Hey there guys, this is a one-shot (obvious by now) about Clannad After Story. It's a Tomoya x Nagisa (OTP) fic... sorta and takes place on Valentine's Day. I wrote it for the From the Heart competition on Wattpad so if you guys have an account on their, just look up my profile (under the same name) and give your support by leaving a comment and a vote. It would mean a lot to me.**

 **It's my first time doing something like this and I hope you guys like it...**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Clannad nor Clannad After Story. It's an epic anime though.**

* * *

He exhaled, the wisps of smoke escaping his lips. He wished the day would end already. The idyllic atmosphere was enough to swallow him whole.

"Okazaki!"

"Huh?" He turned to sound of his name, looking at his boss from the corner of his eye.

The man looked at his employee then frowned. "Take the rest of the day off. Come back when you're feeling better, kiddo."

Tomoya said nothing in return, only a raised brow was evidence of him paying attention. Instead, he rose from his spot beside the light post and walked off, hands in his pocket. He took another draw from the white stick between his lips, and exhaled a breath of smoke once more.

 _'Finally,'_

XxXxXx

Tomoya swung open the door to his apartment. He had gotten off from work hours ago but had only just returned in the dead of night. He stumbled, tripping over nothing as he made his way inside the dingy apartment.

"I'm home," he sounded his arrival to the empty apartment.

The smell of tobacco clung to his clothes like death's embrace. He made a step forward, only to falter and kilter off balance. His hand shot out, using the wall as his clutch as his body swayed to the left.

The bottle slipped from his clumsy grasp, shattering against the floor. The wicked stench of whiskey filled the apartment in an instant. Startled by the sound, he stepped back, only to swear loudly as shards of glass pricked his feet.

"Dammit!" he cursed, lifting his injured leg off the floor. He was forced to make his way inside by hopping which was not an easy task in his inebriated state. Another curse spewed from his lips as he stumbled again, this time the wall failed to act as a support.

He landed face first on the cold floor

XxXxXx

He grunted as he pulled yet another shard of glass from sole of his foot. It was the last one, a minuscule shard stuck right under his largest toe. He dropped the blooded glass onto a plate just like the others.

"That's all of them," he muttered to himself.

The tweezers were placed on the plate as well while Tomoya left the confines of the bathroom. He was sober enough to walk now, yet had a slight slur to his words and a fogginess to mind.

It didn't take long for him to reach the living room. The area was devoid of most commodities, with the only things occupying the room being the low-lying table in the center, the picture frame atop it and the multiple bottles that littered the floor. He plopped down at the table, his legs folded beneath him.

He reached for a bottle off the floor, a single shake to test if it was full. He was satisfied by the sloshing sounds made by the liquids inside. He brought it to his lips. He tilted his head back and downed it all in one go. Slamming the bottle back atop the table, he grabbed the picture frame and brought it closer to his face.

"Happy Valentine's day, Nagisa" he slurred. "I don't suppose you'd be real proud of me right now, huh?" A mirthless chuckle. "I've become my dad. Even after I blamed him for so much, I ended up just like him.

"I-I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," his shoulders shook as he hugged the frame tighter. Tears pooled in his eyes, running down his cheeks and splattering against the picture. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't... If I hadn't spoke to you that day then all of this wouldn't have happened. I abandoned Ushio. Can you believe that? I left her with your parents. Our Ushio doesn't even know who I am. And its all... and its all my fault,"

He let the tears run as he clutched the picture for dear life. There was so much weight on his heart that he needed this. He needed to let all of it go. If not for himself, then for his daughter.

Ushio.

XxXxXx

The tears had stopped but the pain was still there. It weighed on his chest like a ten ton anchor and he found it increasingly difficult to breathe. The effects of the alcohol were leaving him, and the headache coming on was only making his mood worse.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Nagisa," he whispered.

He made a final glance at the picture frame. It was of a girl in high school. She had brown hair with a double ahoge standing proud. Equally brown eyes sparkled with wonder and innocence as she smiled at the camera. Behind her was a younger Tomoya. He too was dressed in a high school uniform. His blue hair was just as scruffy back then, but he lacked the stubble beard he sported now.

Looking at the picture now reminded him of the day it was taken. The memories came like a freight train and he reeled backwards, a stab of pain in his heart. The frame fell from his hands and cracked open revealing... a note?

Tomoya reached for the note. It was folded into quarters and by the feel of it, it was written years ago. He unfolded the paper and realized that the writing belonged to his late wife.

 _'Nagisa,'_

XxXxXx

Tomoya,

Happy Valentine's Day, Tomoya-kun! I know it's a few months early but I wanted to get a head start. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do, but maybe a letter would help you understand how I truly feel about you Tomoya-kun. I learned a lot about love and life because of you Tomoya-kun, and I'll always be thankful for that. You've given me the strength when I needed it most and you've been my light in my darkest days.

Do you remember Tomoya-kun? That day when we first met? I was so nervous about having to repeat another year at school. I never had much friends in my own year and I was scared that, being older than everyone else, I would have to go through that alone. Scared that all the things that I loved to do would change. But you spoke to me that day. We had never met before yet... yet you spoke to me. You encouraged me to find new things to do. To not let my fears hold me back.

It was on that hillside path where the cherry blossoms flutter that I met you Tomoya-kun, my one true love.

 _Tomoya made his way towards the school, a blank look on his face as the town he lived in passed him by._

 _'I hate this city.'_

 _'It's full of memories I want to forget about.'_

 _'Go to school everyday, chat with friends, and then go back to the home that I don't even want to go back to.'_

 _'Will something eventually change doing this? Will that day come?'_

 _And that day came when I met you on that hill Nagisa and we started to walk up that long... long... uphill climb._

You would always look so lost back then. Like you were mad at the world for everything. Just seeing that... seeing you so sad made me sad as well. I wanted to help you Tomoya-kun, but I didn't know how. In the end, it was you who ended up helping me. You stood by my side through it all. Even when I wanted to give up, you pushed me to achieve my dreams. I remember when I found out that the Drama club was disbanded. I tried so hard to reopen it but no one would pay attention. Except you. You were the one who brought everyone together. Sunohara, Ryou, Kyou and Kotomi may have joined the club later, but it was you who had made my dream a reality.

That play we did at the school festival, do you remember it? It was one of my favorites. Even when you said that singing the 'Big Dango Family' at the end wasn't keeping with the story, I loved it none the less. I was depressed then. I had just found out that my parents had given up their dreams for me and I didn't know what to do or say. Because of my illness, they had to give up what they loved most. I was onstage crying. I so close to giving up again, but like my hero, you rushed in and saved me. Mom and dad too. I can still remember the words that dad said to me that day...

 _"Make your dreams come true, Nagisa! You stupid or what? A child's dream is their parent's dream. Our dream is to watch you live out your dream. We didn't give on our dreams, we just your dream into ours! That's what parents are and that's what family is. So, ever since that day... every day as we baked bread... we've been living, longing for this day! You got that!"_

And then mom...

 _"Nagisa, you can do it!"_

And you as well...

 _"Same goes for us too, Nagisa! What Sunohara and I couldn't do, you're trying to make happen. You're carrying our failures and frustrations with you too now. So come on Nagisa, you can do it! I know you can."_

All of you believed in me and put your hope in me. I felt so happy Tomoya-kun. I didn't want to disappoint any of you so I charged forward, with my head held high. It was afterwards when you came to me, and told me that you loved me that my heart soared.

I've loved you for so long Tomoya-kun, that hearing you say those words made me cry all over again. I love you Tomoya-kun! I love you so much that it hurts! Thinking of you reminds me of my favorite song. No, not the 'Big Dango Family' song, silly. The other one, you know it.

 **Every now and then, the stars align,  
Boy and girl meet by the great design.  
Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?  
Everybody told me love was blind,  
Then I saw your face and you blew my mind.  
Finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time.**

Can you sing that song for me Tomoya-kun? I love hearing you sing it.

As I write this Tomoya-kun, I know that I won't be there when you read this. I'm so sorry Tomoya-kun. I wish I could be there with you and Shio-chan like we planned, but the doctor says the chances are so low that maybe I shouldn't go through with the pregnancy after all. But I can't do that. I love you and our baby too much to let her go. And I know you'll love her too.

 _A baby cries. Tomoya looks around, taking the newborn babe into his arms._

 _"Nagisa?"_

 _"Tomoya... kun... " she sounded so weak._

 _"I'm here! I'm right here!" he reassured her. Ushio cries louder. "You can hear her right? The voice of our child crying?"_

 _"Yes... "_

 _"Look, I'm the first one to hold her,"_

 _"Yes... she's beautiful," her voice weakened. Her eyes dimmed._

 _"This is our child. This is Ushio," he spoke, hoping to give her strength with his voice. "It's your Shio-chan. It's a girl, a lively girl!"_

 _"Shio... chan. I'm glad I had her. But I'm a little tired now. May I rest for a while?"_

 _She looked so frail as she spoke. Tears pooled in his eyes. She was slipping away._

 _"Nagisa... hold on, Nagisa! L-Let's just talk for a little more. You can just listen to me. Look, it's our child," He turned to the baby in his arms. "She looks like a monkey, doesn't she? So small, too. I'm going to talk to her now, okay?_

 _"Ushio... I'm your daddy, Ushio. And she's your mommy. Say hi!"_

 _The baby cried louder. He smiled sadly. Why? Why was this happening?_

 _"She ignored me. Yeah, of course. She doesn't understand what I'm saying. I'm sure she'll grow fast, enter elementary school then we'd go to the open house and all the school plays together. We'll participate as a family. I used to be the one who scoffed at stuff like that the most..._

 _"Nagisa?... Nagisa?..."_

 _He raised her hand to Ushio's cheek._

 _"Do you feel that Nagisa? That's Ushio. Do you feel her, Nagisa?"_

 _He released her hand. It fell lifelessly to the ground. His voice cracked and tears ran down his eyes._

 _"Nagisa... you said you'll always be there with me right? You said you'll always be there... We promised we will, many times right? Nagisa? NAGISA!?"_

Can you promise me something Tomoya-kun? Even if I gone, will you take care of Ushio for me?

Forever yours,  
Nagisa Okazaki.

XxXxXx

Tomoya walked the familiar streets with a nervous shuffle. He hadn't been here for five years yet nothing seemed to have changed. Up ahead, he spied the building where he had spent most of the last year of high school.

Furukawa Bread.

Seeing the small bakery brought back even more memories for the man.

He entered the store. "Hello! Anyone here?"

The small pitter patter of footsteps had him turn towards the sound, where a small girl rushed out. She looked about five years old. She was dressed in her school uniform. Her brown hair and innocent brown eyes pinioned him to the spot.

"Hello mister," the girl greeted.

He swallowed. "Hello there. What's your name?"

"Ushio Okazaki, what's your name mister?"

He crouched. "My name is Tomoya Okazaki. I'm your father,"

"Daddy?"

XxXxXx

Unseen to them both, a single light orb floated down from the skies. It swayed with the wind as it made its way towards the bakery. With a final flourish, it latched onto his clothes, before sinking into his chest.

Gone, as though it wasn't there to begin with.

Song used: 'Lucky Ones' by Lana Del Rey

* * *

 **Remember to give your support on Wattpad if you liked the fic and thank in advance if you do.**

 **Review, Favorite and Follow  
-Gregorybryce9**


End file.
